idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
