Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
