Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
