They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
