I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
