Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
