I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
