Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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