New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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