People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
