If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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