nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
