Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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