No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
