how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
