Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This baby is an asshole
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
