i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
