just come out here and I will go home with you...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
