I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
