and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
