i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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