well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
