it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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