I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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