i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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