So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
