Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
