Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
