please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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