I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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