He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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