I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize