well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
