someone owes me an orgasm
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize