This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
