He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
