where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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