We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
