So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
