Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
