do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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