I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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