I can text with my tongue
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
the raccoons are back...
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