what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
