and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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