I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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