Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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