The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
