It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i love accidental penises.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize