I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
