So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
