You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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