I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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