I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
