I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize