My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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