I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
