He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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