I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize