I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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