i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
