i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
