Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
