Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
