the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
