you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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