i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
