why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
