you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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