It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
