Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
