I can tuck mytits in my pants
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
