You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
