I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you win again, gameday.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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