u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
